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Making Resolutions Work

By Lindsey Arens

It’s that time of year again. Resolution time. January 1st , 2019, is just around the corner. Now is about the time when I start hearing people contemplating on the New Years Resolutions they plan to put into place for next year. Along with the resolution, I almost undoubtedly hear: “and this year, I really mean it.”

Do you know anyone who makes a New Year’s Resolution and doesn’t keep it? Do you know anyone who makes the same New Year’s Resolution practically every year? Of course you do. First of all, I’ve been on that list. In fact, just about everyone who makes a resolution doesn’t keep it. And the reason they don’t keep their resolution is not due to any of the following reasons: unmotivated, didn’t try hard enough, picked the wrong resolution or poor discipline.

The reason people don’t keep their resolutions is simple: change is very hard work. Practically everyone who tries keeping a New Years Resolution does the “change process” incorrectly. That’s why 92% of the people who make New Year’s Resolutions quit on the resolution by Ground Hogs Day.

Over the past two years, I’ve been studying the science of change and using it myself. And guess what? It turns out science works! One of the main issues with change is there is some simple, but necessary internal change work that has to happen before external change work can start.

There are, in fact, eight steps to the change process. When most people face their resolutions, they only focus on the external change work of steps 7 & 8, skipping over the necessary internal change work of steps 1-6. Google can help you with steps 7 & 8, therapists can help with steps 1-6. Here’s a brief snapshot of the steps:

1. Identify ultimate mission (purpose)
2. Facing the truth
3. Selecting a story to work on first
4. Write the story (actually lives in your head)
5. Read the above story (“The Old Story”)
6. Write a new story
7. Design explicit rituals to ensure “The New Story” becomes a reality
8. Establish daily accountability system for the rituals

Now let’s be honest. The last time you made a resolution, did you sit down and think about your ultimate mission on the planet? No. You didn’t. Because that’s a terribly intimidating question to answer. Did you write out stories and internal dialogue that’s living in your head, likely keeping you from making change? Probably not.

So now that you know change is really tough to maintain, give yourself a break on how things might not have worked out in the past. But this next year, things really could be different. You could have the accomplishment of landing in the 8% of the population who actually keep their New Year’s Resolutions. How awesome would it be to say that for yourself?

Lindsey Arens is a psychotherapist at Elle offering a two part workshop series in January and February to help you make your resolutions work this year. Join us at our Elle Force event Saturday, December 1st, for a complimentary mini workshop on this topic with a single fitness class registration.