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Healthfully Selfish: A Yogi’s Perspective

I have taught yoga for 10 years now and have run into the same puzzling phenomenon time and time again. When I tell students during class, “Be selfish right now. Take up as much energetic room in this space as you can.” Their reaction is to look at one another, giggle a little bit, and then realize that they don’t know what to do. They don’t know how to be selfish.  

This is likely because selfishness has been defined as a disregard for others and an unhealthy prioritization of self. (Who would want to knowingly do that? A sociopath? Not me.) But I will argue that selfishness is synonymous with living well. And that once we understand selfishness from a healthier perspective, one that does not come at the expense of others, we are better able to achieve well-being.

Here’s my breakdown: to be selfish is to build awareness and understanding of your personal life events. Living well is having a grasp on your own life and an ability to incorporate yourself into your environment. You can only welcome the satisfaction that life offers (live well), by understanding your personal experiences (being selfish).

When I instructed my students to be as selfish as possible, some moved their mats clear across the room and let out a big sigh and others stayed right where they were. What they chose to do with their new found freedom was not as important as the shift in perspective. Their faces relaxed, their gaze softened, and their breath grew louder. The feeling in the room, the attitude, manifested a sense of support and care. In one moment, they could be healthfully selfish by prioritizing their needs and desires, and so could everyone else. There resulted a collective selfishness that at once liberated them from each other, while simultaneously bonding them.

Given the opportunity to be selfish, you naturally start to take care of yourself. You’re no longer this little blip of existence, but instead a part of a whole collection of people fostering support, care, and compassion. It’s intoxicating and addictive – while at the expense of no one. And what happens next, when you turn your attention inward, is the best part.

This is when you actively engage in self-care. You embrace the fact that you are alive, you are human, and you have needs that can and should be prioritized. Now the work truly begins. Many people avoid this work by taking care of everyone else and defining themselves by the role they play in the lives of others. So, the first task is to figure out what you want, of your own free will. And if you’re not sure how to do that, I’ll see you in class.

Katie Sukowaty is Elle’s studio manager and lead yoga instructor, offering a wide range of yoga and mindfulness classes each week. Get to know her and her classes at ellewellstudio.com/katie-sukowaty.