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The Thing About Relaxation

Relaxation: what a stressful word. 

Recently, in anticipation of treating myself to a “relaxing weekend,” I did all my errands ahead of time, cleaned a day earlier, called those who needed to hear from me, and created our family schedule. As I sat there on my couch, it occurred to me: nothing about this is relaxing. 

The realization left me curious. How does a person implement relaxation into their life to the point that it is easily tapped into, or better yet, a way of life? Is that even possible? I thought about my personal list of “relaxing” activities. I wondered if they fill me with more energy than it takes to engage in them in the first place? 

Let’s see. 

When I come back from a long day at work and, energetically speaking, I am at a 2 on a scale from 1-10. I turn to my mental list of relaxing things to do: take a bath, do yoga, meditate, watch a movie, go for a walk, etc. Now, let’s say I choose to listen to a podcast. I like podcasts and want to stay updated on current events. So, I begin my episode, thinking I am going to decompress, but instead find that to stay focused and present with the content takes more energy from me than it gives. As a result, that act of “relaxation” was just an illusion. 

This list of prescribed daily activities I had created was meant to dispel stress from my life. But it seems to me that this is a false narrative. Why? I have come to the frustrating, yet very real conclusion that stress is simply a part of life, something that will always remain. I have grown tired of fighting stress. So, the task at hand is to appreciate that a certain amount of stress is actually beneficial to me. 

Stress can be a motivator, a protector, and a tool for self-awareness. It can teach me about perseverance and clarify my strengths. If I befriend stress, it can be a mirror to seeing my own resilience. Befriending allows me to normalize stress which, in turn, gives stress a purpose. 

There are many ways that my stress is debilitating. However, by seeking its purpose, I can view my stress as a driving force for good. Stress helps me keep my schedule organized. It keeps me present in conversations and engaged in relationships. It also keeps my bills paid on time and my inbox clean. 

When it all comes full circle, stress reminds me to relax. In a weird way, it shows me what I need. Whether that is to slow down, breathe, sleep, eat, talk to someone I love, cuddle my pet, etc. Stress does, in a way, bring me closer to the people, places, and things that bring me joy and peace. Because I appreciate them more. 

The challenge that exists is to live a life in harmony with inescapable stress. For many years, I have looked at stress as the enemy. In truth, it physically and emotionally feels like one. It can be overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be. 

When I become aware that my stress levels are too high, instead of going into a panic, I will turn inward: “Hello old friend. Have I met my limit? Okay.” Then I will know that it’s time to find relaxation that truly feeds my soul. Knowing that even the journey of discovering what that relaxation is for me, is one worth taking. 

Wednesday, July 22nd, Elle is hosting The Relaxation Workshop, part of its self-care series that tackles common mental health issues by treating symptoms in the body. The Relaxation Workshop is led by Katie Sukowaty and informed by Elle’s mental health therapists. Join us and harness your relaxation skills.