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Coping with Trauma: An Interview with Katie

It is rare, if not impossible, to go through life unscathed by the more heartbreaking and challenging components of the human experience. In this blog, we interview psychotherapist Katie Llewellyn, a specialist in trauma counseling. During these times especially, we hope you can gain insight into your own pain as well as how to be present for the pain of others.

How do you define trauma? 

Simply put, trauma is an emotional response to an event that disturbs the person experiencing it. Trauma can be in response to an actual event, a perceived event, abuse of any kind, or prolonged stress. One thing that I often point out is that trauma is subjective and individualistic. What could be traumatic to one person may not produce the same traumatic response in someone else. Often, people downplay what has happened to them as “not that serious” or think that they shouldn’t be struggling because it “wasn’t that bad.” I remind them that there is no hierarchy of pain and that comparison of pain does little in getting them on a path toward healing.

What inspires you most about survivors of trauma?

People who have experienced and survived trauma all have one thing in common: resilience. The human spirit is so strong. Hearing others’ stories of trauma and subsequent resilience is mainly what inspired me to become a therapist in the first place. What I am ultimately admiring in my clients is their inner strength. Often, I see that the  survivor may not even recognize the inner strength they possess, even as they call upon it. It is an amazing thing to witness. Truly, we never know how strong we are until we are forced to face the more challenging aspects of life. 

As a therapist, where do you begin in your work with clients who have a trauma history? 

Rapport is everything. It is my responsibility to ensure that a new client feels safe and comfortable. Once there is a strong element of trust, maintaining the survivor’s safety is of utmost importance. And this means so much more than physical safety. It means encouraging a survivor to identify and use healthy ways of coping with their trauma. A large factor in achieving this goal is through education—helping them understand the normal responses to trauma, due to it’s impact on the brain. Then we can identify what healing would mean for this individual person (as it looks different for everyone). 

How do you know if you are ready to unpack trauma?

Answer the following questions for yourself: At this time, do I have stability in my life? When I am feeling overwhelmed, do I know how to calm myself and feel better in a healthy way? Do I have a good support system around me? If your answer to any of these questions is “no”, you must first put your energy and effort into resolving those concerns. Without these elements of support around you, you could be vulnerable to re-traumatizing yourself or inadvertently allowing the trauma to take over the positive aspects of your life. Learning how to cope and allowing others to support you are crucial components of healing.

What is the most common symptom of trauma? 

There are many, but the most common are guilt and shame. Often, there is what I refer to as the control fallacy: people believe that if they had done something different, they wouldn’t have experienced the trauma. People often get stuck examining the “fight, flight, or freeze” response that happens when our bodies take on extreme stress. They ruminate and wonder if they had done something different (i.e. fight instead of freeze), the outcome of the trauma would have been different. It’s a hard concept to understand that we don’t necessarily have control over the stress response of our body when faced with a traumatic/dangerous/life-threatening situation. 

There is a large body of research supporting bodywork for survivors. As trauma is so interconnected to the experience of the body, healing through the body is incredibly powerful. Survivors often become very disconnected from their physical experiences and sensations. Bodywork helps to connect their physical body to their emotional experience. When there aren’t words, which is often the case, being able to physically process can mean everything.

What’s the most important thing a partner, friend, or relative can provide to a loved one who is dealing with trauma?

Ask your loved one: What does support look like for them? After experiencing a traumatic event, they have had their power and control taken away. So, I encourage loved ones to avoid telling survivors what they “should” do, even when coming from a good and supportive place. Also, and maybe most importantly, be patient. Working through trauma is a process, so wondering when this person will “be better” or “healed” can be extremely invalidating and frustrating for the loved one.

It is in our most challenging and vulnerable times that we should most relate and support one another. It is a time to come together. In a year like we are having now, that is our silver lining.

If you or a loved one needs support in working through a trauma, please don’t hesitate to reach out to Katelyn. Her work in psychotherapy can be coordinated with Kristen’s MindBody Therapy Program for Trauma in order to optimize healing and support that we are proud to offer at Elle.