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Self-Trust as a Coping Mechanism

A self-healing journey can be daunting, and when you start on one, it might be tempting to gather all the self-help books you can find for consumption. Don’t get me wrong, a great self help book can be life changing, but sometimes this route can prevent healing work from even getting off the ground; especially if you struggle with anxiety. To strictly build coping mechanisms, such as reframing your thoughts or de-escalating intense emotions, without asking yourself why you are struggling in the first place is to miss a key piece to the puzzle. 

Anxious thought patterns have a way of keeping us in our heads and out of our bodies. While anxiety keeps us stuck in old memories and/or future possibilities to avoid the stressors of the current moment (i.e. lack of control, insecurity, rejection), constant overthinking and seeking of solutions could prevent you from fully feeling an emotion.

With this in mind, I would encourage you to look at anxiety or overthinking as its own form of coping or as a survival mechanism. If you are engaging with intrusive anxious thoughts, this can be a result of not trusting yourself. Playing out conversations, situations, and worst-case scenarios in your mind is your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe. This is especially true when emotions are overwhelming. Unfortunately, living in this anticipatory state can make you feel less safe and more upset. 

You might be wondering then, if looking for answers isn’t going to fix the problem, then what do I do? Start with mindfulness. Mindfulness is defined as being fully present or aware of one’s internal state and surroundings. Pay attention to the initial emotion that started the anxiety or the coping mechanism in the first place. Then, when you try to bring your brain back to the present moment and back into your body, ask yourself if you trust yourself enough to handle it. If you don’t, this is where your self-healing exploration should begin. Why don’t you trust yourself? What would need to change in order for you to build that relationship with yourself?

Self-trust is built when you are willing to sit with your emotions until they don’t overwhelm you. It is built when you show up for yourself in a way that other people maybe didn’t before. Self-trust happens when you allow, welcome, and accept your own feelings even when they are uncomfortable. You already have all the tools you need within you, just look inward with openness to allow the healing to begin. 

Leah Hovel is a psychotherapist at Elle who offers individual and group psychotherapy. Learn more about her and Elle’s mental health services to start your healing journey.