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Finding Your REM

I know I am not the only one that has woken up from a night of sleep to feel perplexed that I am more tired than when I went to bed the night before. Many of us struggle with heavy eyelids and even heavier thoughts. It’s a vicious cycle. The moment the sun would start to say its goodbyes, I would grow nervous about my ability to unwind and fall asleep.

My fears turned to panic: What if I can’t fall asleep? What if I do, but then wake up in the middle of the night? Why am I having such a hard time with this? Should I expect to be this tired all the time? Should I just stop fighting it and accept it? What does it even feel like to be “refreshed”? 

Someone once told me that people struggle with sleep because sleep is rooted in peace. My journey toward better sleep quality began once I recognized my own vicious cycle, which included both my daytime routine and my sense of inner peace.

Most people don’t realize that preparing yourself for restful sleep begins the moment you wake up. Furthermore, the holy grail of quality sleep: REM (rapid eye movement), known for being the most restorative stage of sleep, can be extended. It depends on how you mentally and physically get on with the day. 

Quality sleep isn’t something you can evoke within the last two hours of the day, or as some people expect, the last few minutes. As a person who understands the emotional and physical burdens that restless and inconsistent sleep patterns promote, I urge you to evaluate this basic human need. We cannot expect ourselves to create peacefulness from a whole day’s worth of chaos right before bed. 

The length of REM cycles is inversely correlated with the presence of depression and anxiety. As a result, the key to good sleep starts with good sleep hygiene. Attaining it takes practice and, most importantly, presence. The presence around what your body and mind may need throughout the day, as well as into the evening, will directly help nourishing sleep unfold like freshly washed sheets.

So, let’s grow some presence. 

The first action toward breaking your vicious cycle and finding your REM begins with the mental game: 

If I asked you to describe the tone of your self talk, what would it be? Many of my clients have stated that the voice inside their heads is a critic. It is always questioning their efficiency, capability, confidence, and authenticity. But how you nurture yourself after a whole day of dealing with your inner critic, is pivotal.  

This goes hand in hand with the environment you are in. Notice your stressors: perhaps it’s a super talkative co-worker, or an uncomfortable desk chair, a messy cubicle, or a long commute. All of these aspects of your day can elicit emotional responses that you suppress in order to “save face.” It is important to emotionally and physically unpack these frustrations in order to give yourself the greatest chance of attaining restorative sleep. 

The second item is in your behaviors: How often are you staring at a computer, phone, or tablet? Blue light directly affects the production of melatonin in the human body. Are you reaching for a second or third cup of coffee in the afternoon? The timing of your caffeine intake plays a role in sleep quality. Are you taking naps? For some people, taking naps confuses the internal clock, making it more difficult to fall asleep. Going to bed and waking up inconsistently?  A set sleep-wake schedule impacts long term sleep quality and circadian rhythms. Do you find yourself drinking a couple of glasses of wine to “wine down”? Alcohol is the worst thing you can do for sleep. Each glass before bedtime eliminates a stage of REM. It is impossible to feel rested after a night of drinking. Are you working late at night? Pre-sleep routines are essential in preparing the mind and body to sleep. Are you exercising? More importantly, are you exercising before bed? Exercise is a great way to improve sleep, but exercising too late at night can extend alertness.

So if you are looking to improve your sleep and find your REM, I implore you to look at the whole picture. Our circadian rhythm, cycle of energy, and enduring need for sleep is really quite beautiful. Designed to force self care and self love upon us, punishing us when we don’t heed the call. 

My wish is for good sleep to all and to all a goodnight. 

Saturday, August 8th, Elle is hosting The REM Workshop, part of its self-care series that tackles common mental health issues by treating symptoms in the body. The REM Workshop is led by Kristen and informed by Elle’s mental health therapists. Join us and seek your most restorative sleep.